Well, just finished the first of my many Irish Open features and am part way through another… It’s a good thing I like writing

Unlike wrestling with the pros, you are unlikely to seriously hurt
yourself when wrestling with prose – although I have noticed a
disturbing tendency for my eyes to bleed if I squint too hard at the
screen… Looks like a career as a Bond villain is assured; now all I
have to do is call massive all-ins with Ace Six off-suit on the Button…

Just been reading the latest copy of  WPT mag– I did quite like their feature on classic poker film hands but
noticed a couple of omissions which I felt needed a mention (and
perhaps a slating…)

The Sting (1973)

Floyd: “Doyle, I KNOW I gave him four THREES. He had to make a switch. We can’t let him get away with that.”

Doyle: “What was I supposed to do – call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?”

Eat your heart out \’The Real Hustle\’ Paul Newman did it first…

Any movie with Paul Newman in is always pretty classy, after all how
can a man who uttered the immortal line: “Money won is twice as sweet
as money earned…” do wrong?

(Bonus points for any who can name the film the above line comes from. Answers on a postcard )

This has to be one of my favourite poker scenes ever in a movie,
where Chicago conman Gondorff (Paul Newman) is setting up an elaborate
con against mob banker Doyle Lonnegan (Robert Shaw – who also plays
Quint in Jaws).

After Gondorff sends his girlfriend to steal Lonnegan’s wallet on
the New York to Chicago train, he then proceeds to buy into Lonnegan’s
private poker game with the guy’s own money. Now that is what I call a
freeroll…

Being as Mr Newman’s character is a bit of a card sharp he proceeds
to rinse the game for some serious cash, also finding time to hand out
some classy rub-downs; a true professional

Obviously irritated by this flash, smug player, Lonnegan switches
decks (the old cold deck scam) to “bust that bastard bookie in one
play”.

This is where it gets really classy, heralding back to the ‘old
days’ of poker where cheating was as much a part of the game as card
sense. It’s always tough to cheat a cheater though as Lonnegan finds
much to his ire; Gondorff uses some slight of hand magic to win the
hand and sting Lonnegan for $15,000 – which Lonnegan obviously can’t
afford to pay as he’s had his wallet pinched…

Not being able to accuse Newman’s character of being an out and out
cheat without revealing himself to be an unscrupulous cheating son of a
bitch as well, Lonnegan is forced to bite the bullet, pay the debt, and
is now easily manipulated into getting stung in an elaborate scam…

This is classy old school draw poker and cheating at it’s finest,
and while I’m not in anyway advocating this as ok – it is a pretty damn
good movie.

Lucky You (2007)

L. C. Cheever: You and I both know what the book says you should do, Kid.

Huck Cheever: Is that what you do now? Just play by the book? You might as well play online.

Don\’t make me angry and crack my Aces – you wouldn\’t like me when I\’m angry…

Unlucky you if you wasted the two hours needed to watch this rather lacklustre romantic poker comedy.

That’s a whole two hours you’ll never see again folks… I don’t know
what your ROI and hourly rate at the cash tables is but I seriously
considered invoicing the production company for loss of earnings and a
severe cheese allergy.

The words romance, poker and comedy don’t really fit together that
well… ask any poker player, the only regulars I see at my poker tables
are overweight miserable old grinders – granted I don’t live in Vegas,
but still, not the best combination for a film.

While some of the poker in this film is pretty realistic (most to be
fair, though there is more than the odd ‘cheesy moment’) the final
scene…

***Spoiler Alert*** (although you will thank me for this in the long run, now you don’t have to watch the film.)

God, where to start… Not that I didn’t appreciate the cameo by John
Hennigan (aka ‘Johnny World’ because he will apparently bet on anything
in the world…) that was kinda cool.

No the worst bit, the absolute out and out ridiculous scream ‘fuck
off’ out loud in disbelief moment comes right near the end when our
hero Huck Cheever (Eric Bana) folds (yes folds…) Pocket Aces on the
least scary looking board… ever… to his father L.C Cheever who has…
Pocket Kings.

Load. Of. Shite.

Now obviously that’s not the most objective statement in the world
but surely even Doyle Brunson (who was the poker consultant) would give
his son Todd a clip around the ear if he did that at the final table of
the World Series of Poker.

Let me reiterate: the FINAL TABLE of the WSOP…

And the film says soft playing is okay…

Not cool, and not realistic…

Ok, rant over.

Razor Sharp Prose

On a work related and shameless self-publicity note – we have ignition!

Yes that’s right folks, my freelance website is now officially
online, slightly delayed due to some technical issues, but online
nevertheless.

Check it out:  www.RazorSharpProse.co.uk

(I also have  www.RazorSharpProse.combut that is giving me some grief at the moment, though it will all be working very soon.)

My shiny new freelance website

Feel free to check it out – all constructive criticism welcome, you
can also check out some of my past work for the various poker mags I’ve
written for…

Also, the latest copy of  WPTis out (issue 42 with the Devilfish on the front cover) and this has my
Pro on Pro feature with James Dempsey (aka ‘Flushy’) and Dave ‘El
Blondie’ Colclough.

I think they’ll be putting it up on their website soon so will post up a link if and when they do. Link through to the feature here.

Well, I’ve still got me a great deal of writing to do folks, though
a will be posting up a UK poker news update (nothing to do with the Poker News  website at all) on my blog here at the end of the week – most probably Friday.

Tune in for updates and the happenings of the UK poker scene.

And don’t fold Pocket Aces to your dad at the final table of the WSOP, ever…